You suddenly realize that the girl who sat next to you in seventh grade has at some point unfriended you, and you bend your mind trying to imagine which of your countless absurd posts was the one that did it. Then it dawns on you that the answer may lie in the phrase “countless absurd posts”. If you were a smoker, you might take a long drag on a cigarette right now. But instead, you must content yourself with the chewing of your cinnamon Trident more vigorously. As you reflect, your three-year-old bursts in laughing and throws a nasty corn-dog stick at you before running in the opposite direction. No more time for reflection, awesome awaits. You give chase.