Because I don’t want to totally ruin their lives, I haven’t included the names or faces of my kids on this blog. (I’ve been less concerned with my wife and I because our lives are pretty much already ruined, heh heh). But I refer to them numerous times, so here is a quick primer on who they are.

As of today (August 3, 2014), I have a four-year-old son, a seven-year-old daughter, a ten-year-old son, and a twelve-year-old daughter. My wife and I are both in our very early 40s.

Below is a cut and paste of a post that gives a thumbnail sketch of the human characters in this blog. (Our pets are intentionally excluded, and Sexy Windbreaker refuses to be included here because he insists on posts dedicated solely to him).

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This looks like a job for The Stupendous Six! 

(1) B____, aka “The Crusher” – Superpower: Indestructible. Weakness: Believes everyone else is also indestructible.

(2) N____, aka “Flower Kitty Sunshine Girl” – Superpower: eyelash batting mind control. Weakness: butterflies. 

(3) H____, aka “The Brooder” – Superpowers: sonic attack, selective hearing, invisibility when it’s time to do chores or homework. Weakness: broccoli.

(4) R____, aka “The Brain” – Superpower: super intelligence. Weakness: see superpower.

(5) Erin, aka “Doctor Zen” – Superpowers: faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to rear four children without ever losing her shit. Weakness: her husband.

(6) Mike, aka “The Troll” – Superpowers: satire, ability to eat eggs. Weaknesses: chocolate, that one chic from high school, fear of failure, fear of success, full length mirrors, college transcript, events at which he is the MC, events at which he is called upon to give a toast, events at which he is neither the MC nor called upon to give a toast but does one or both anyway, wine, gin, scotch, tacos, the unexamined life, the over examined life, nerdy stuff, Mad Men, his children, small talk, not having friends, having too many friends, toffee flavored coffee, and coffee flavored toffee.