I’m so bored by all the sterile stump speeches. I may run for office just so I can tell stories of overcoming adversity with a little color – “We weren’t rich, but my mother always did the best she could do for me and my brother. And in 1979, on the side of a cold West Virginia freeway, the best she could do was “wash” my ass by pouring a can of Shasta Cream Soda down my butt crack.”