Happy Tomato salsa – Diablo flavor.
Chip #1: This is fabulous! It has some heat, but it’s fresh and complex and alive. It’s like a Fourth of July parade in my mouth!
Chip #2: Where has this been all my life? It tastes like elf sex. Seriously, I’ll never eat another salsa.
Chip #3: Oh wow! The heat kinda sneaks up on you. But how can I stop? If cocaine were a salsa, it would be this one.
Chip #4: Okay, not gonna lie – that’s hot. I like hot salsa, but this feels like it’s building. I better get a beer to wash this down.
Chip #5: Mmmm. So good, but so, so hot.
Chip #6: Okay, the beer does nothing. I need milk. I . . . I may need *all* the milk.
Chip #7: No, I’m not crying kids. I’m just sweating because of what I’m eating. Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous.
Chip #8: What? Daddy’s just soaking his tongue in milk sweetie
Chip #9: I can’t do this anymore. I . . . I need to go lie down.
15 seconds later: Kids, do we have any yogurt?! A tub of butter? Cheese! Bring me all our cheese! And you’d better bring me those salted caramels while you’re at it.
30 seconds later: I stopped eating the salsa! How can the burn be getting worse?!
45 seconds later: I’ll never eat that again. I may never eat anything again.
1 minute later: I need bandages. Do we have any bandages that fit my tongue?
2 minutes later: Don’t make me talk, kids. It hurts when the air gets in my mouth.
5 minutes later: I think . . . I think I’m gonna be alright. Just, . . just don’t tell Mom it happened again, okay?