As the reports from my pub crawl trickle in this morning, the list of people to whom I should apologize continues to grow. I’d like to start with the good-natured pediatrician who will remain nameless that I called an asshole as a joke – an unfunny joke – and thereby revealed that it is in fact I who am the asshole. I’d also like to apologize to C________ for repeatedly calling her by the wrong name all night. I’d like to apologize to my former co-workers T________ and M__________ for trying to get them beat up by an MMA fighter. I’d like to apologize to C________ for trying to get him to beat up two jokers I used to work with. I’d like to apologize to C_________ for taking her to a place that doesn’t serve Bud Light. I’d like to apologize to the staff of the Zio Carlo for bringing a person who drinks Bud Light. I’d like to apologize to J__________ for inducing her to come to my party by pretending I had invited any other single people. And I’d like to apologize to K________ for offering to host her family in my house and have her son stay with my mom while we went out, only to freak out and withdraw the offer at the last minute when I thought my son had pink eye, leaving her stuck in a hotel without a babysitter.

More on this story as it develops.