[reporter:] And in local DFW news, Mike Hamilton with a triumphant comeback.
Don’t call it a comeback,
I been here for years,
Amusing my peers like it’s a career.
Sometimes jeers rain down like a monSOON,
Cuz my life’s a cartoon.
My kids are overpowering,
Gotta threaten or bribe them into showering,
I’ma mess, when I drop these lyrics that’ll make you call CPS,
Don’t you dare say “unfair”, you kids better move,
Don’t ever compare
Me to other parents who give you pre-dinner ice cream,
That shit’s a dream!
[Chorus]
I’m gonna make you pout (HUUHH!)
Mama said make you pout! (HUUHH!)
[Repeat 4X]
Don’t eschew your veggies and just eat ham,
Or I’ll make you listen to Wham!
And you won’t get an itty bitty dessert in any form,
And I’m just getting warm!
Just like Muhammad Ali except not at all,
You kids walk on my balls,
But you know I’ll avenge it,
Why you wanna riff with me, the maniac DM,
Next save you try to roll, your PC will have a BM,
BLAAAHHWWW! How you like me now?
Your Daddy will not allow,
You to Minecraft, Netflix or XBOX,
Until you pick up all these Goddamn rocks!
I’m picky, and tricky,
Kinda like a T-bird, so you could say I’m Kenicki.
Penicillin filled my mind,
And I came up with an awful rhyme.
[Chorus]
Shadow boxing when I’m smelled you from the front seat (HUUHH!),
What the F’d you kids eat?!
What made you forget to roll ’em down?
Now we’re all wearing a frown.
I’m going insane, enduring this hurricane, in vain,
Like Clubber Lang, if it happens again,
My prediction is pain.
Stinking, yelling,
Fighting like coyotes in heat,
And we just left the street.
[Chorus]
Car horn blasts are heard,
When I try to fill up with gas – you turds!
There go your Skylanders, who am I Ned Flanders?
I’m gonna sit you down and let you understand that I’m kind of an average man,
But the remote stays in my hand.
DAAAAMNN! Oooohhhhh!
Listen to the way I flip, your
Channel (UHH!), channel (UHH!), channel (UHH!), channel,
Wild Kratts, Spongebob, and Adventure Time,
Phoning in this line so I don’t have to rhyme,
Kids! (What?) Kids! (What?)
I’m ready! (We’re not!)
I think it’s about pajama time (What a crime!).
Now you hush, and don’t forget to brush.
Because cavities,
Could cost Daddy a lot of ‘G’s.
Sarcastic thanks to my wife,
Because she helped me screw up my life,
HARD! Gonna make you pout,
Mama said make you pout!
[Chorus]