Okay, so you took a break from running during the worst of the Texas heat. No biggie. You can pick it right back up. How bad could it be? Lace up the shoes, and get rolling . . . okay, light jog, this is good, you remember this . . . (huff) okay, a little more winded than I expected to be at this point, but it’s (puff) all good . . . dear God! Did they grade this hill differently? It’s steeper! They steepened it right? WHY?! Why would they do that?! . . Okay, keep it together dude. Try not to sob while you’re running . . . Is “steepened” even a word? Don’t look it up, you’re running, remember. Also, you’re an idiot – it’s gotta be a word. Right?. . . You’re not quitting. Don’t think about quitting, don’t think about quitting! Think about (huff) a tiger attack. There’s a tiger on your ass. Run fatty! . . . “Steepened” – it just sounds weird. Like when you see the word “character” spelled six times consecutively, and then think it looks weird, and you wonder if it’s spelled wrong and why you typed that word six times anyway . . . I’m not gonna make it! I’m not gonna – Shut up! Tiger attack! . . . I could just walk this part. (Huff) Just to the dog watering station. (Puff) I could maybe just lie down in the dog watering station – No! “The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you!” . . .

I’d like to kick August Mike in his non-running ass.