Ted – according to Texas Standard Time (sometimes referred to as Central Standard Time), it is now your birthday. This is significant for many reasons, chief of which is the fact that it comes three days before my own birthday, and therefore serves as a kind of formal notice that it’s time for me to start getting excited for myself. I mean, how excited can I get for my own birthday when I’m supposed to be thinking about Ted instead? But as of right now, with this post, I’m getting that all out of the way. Now it’ll be non-stop me, me, me from here on out – at least until Brenna’s birthday on the 22nd, by which time I’ll totally be over this whole birthday idea for another year, but will probably go through the motions for her because she’s a good kid, you know?
Anywho, what was I saying? I dunno, but here’s a song:
Oh Ted,
Teddy Teddy Oh,
It’s your birthday,
It’s your birthday don’t you know?
Something, something,
Watermelon,
Something, something,
Quit your yelling.
You’re old as fuck,
You’re scrawny too,
You don’t eat meat,
Your balls are blue.
You done growed up,
But throw frisbee like a ninja,
You doubted I would find a rhyme here,
. . . Didn’t ya?
You’re one of my oldest friends,
But youngest too,
I love you madly,
But that you knew,
Happy birthday Ted,
Happy birthday to you!