Well kids, the bad news is that Mom’s working all night for Valentine’s. But the good news is that we’ll be making the best of it by doing stuff that we wouldn’t be doing if she were here. So dinner will be comprised solely of various meats. As far as beverages, we’ll be pouring both contraband apple juice and the more standard milk, but that milk will be served with crazy straws for the express purpose of blowing forbidden milk bubbles. Ranch dressing is to be applied liberally, and napkins will be eschewed in favor of sleeves. Also, your Valentine’s candy is likely to be tossed out tomorrow, so it’s advisable to eat it all tonight as one giant, ridiculous dessert. As for the dishes, I’m betting that if we leave them out, those elves that helped that poor cobbler might hook us up too. Also, the word “bath” is temporarily forbidden, as is the word “shower”, and “change of underwear”. After dinner, we unfortunately will have to brush our teeth (I know, I know), but then we’ll ignore bedtime and watch 1993-1994 episodes of The Simpsons until we pass out. Let’s do this!