Me: we’ll agree that our employees will comply with your company policies when they’re on your premises as a general contractual obligation, but I’m not going to give you a *warranty* that they will.

Opposing counsel: It’s the same thing.

Me: No it isn’t.

Opposing counsel. Yes it is.

Me: If it’s the same thing, then you don’t need me to warrant it. We can just make it a contractual obligation.

Opposing counsel: But I want it as a warranty.

Me: But that fact that you want it as a warranty proves my point.

Opposing counsel: No it doesn’t.

Me: If it’s the same thing, why does it matter whether I call it a warranty or an obligation.

Opposing counsel: It is the same thing.

Me: No it isn’t.

Opposing counsel: Yes it is.

Me: If it’s the same thing, then . . . wait, wait, wait. I think this is a Monty Python skit.

Opposing counsel: . . . No it isn’t.