The second half of my run always features a mental press conference about the first half of my run: “I started out well, but then I hit Huntington and my workout mix failed me. I don’t know what I was thinking putting The Go-Gos in there. But I turned it around by Glenco when “Move Bitch” came on and I got a second wind. Surprises? Well, the German shepherd obviously. But I peed a little bit, so I think he took that as a sign of submission because he didn’t chase me for too long afterwards. What would I do differently? Well, this new cold weather Lululemon gear I just got is comfortable, but it’s got a certain Charles Nelson Reilly quality to it. Plus, it’s white, so it makes me look like a gallon of milk with legs. What am I looking for in my next run? I can tell you what I’m not looking for, and that’s to get pumped up by that Havana Brown song and then imagine I can vault another Goddamn fire hydrant.”