Kids, I need the following things from you immediately, in this order: (1) a giant glass of water, (2) your utter silence, (3) another giant glass of water, (4) Vicodin if you can score some, Advil if not, (5) a decent Bloody Mary – don’t skimp on the hot sauce this time, (6) the list of raffle ticket winners that they were reading last night, which I missed while dominating the milkshake stand, (7) the glycemic index of a milkshake stand, and (8) the phone number of the lady who assigned me to sit at a table with the Crypt Keeper and The Duchess of Borington.