I need to hire a PR guy. “At this point, Mr Hamilton will neither confirm nor deny that he left his wife’s car running and unlocked in the stadium parking lot for the length of the entire football game. However, it is worth pointing out that, to the extent such a thing happened – and this is by no means an admission that it did – factors that may have contributed to such a hypothetical error include but are not limited to the following: (a) the relative silence of the hybrid engine, (b) the animated conversation about last night’s adventures, (c) the vexatious pounding in his ears incurred as a result of said adventures and (d) squirrels. Mr Hamilton further realizes that if the alleged error had been committed by his wife, he would have rained fire upon her head with extreme prejudice, and acknowledges that her relatively subdued reaction of “huh” in response to the news is indicative of her copious wisdom and gracious nature. In unrelated news, Mr Hamilton would like to apologize to the giantess in the purple sports coat who may have overheard him wondering aloud whether she was playing in today’s game. He has no further comments at this time.”