“I think that was the turning point,” said longtime roommate and wearer Mike Hamilton. “We missed that party and it was suddenly like we missed *all* parties. After that I’d try to put him on, but he was too coked up and twitchy to wear. We kind of drifted apart. But, you know, it was already getting warmer. I’d try to take him with me places, but my heart wasn’t really in it because who wears a windbreaker when it’s hot?”

“It was Eyvette,” said Sexy Windbreaker fan Erin Hamilton. “I think he wanted to meet her, and was devastated when it didn’t happen. But I was like, ‘dude, there’s next fall and winter! Seasons change,’ but he was just flopped over the couch like he couldn’t hear me.”

“I haven’t been this heartbroken since that Oilers/Bills game,” said Mike. “To see a shining talent in his prime stumble like this. I mean, I don’t think I can see myself with another jacket. <chokes up> I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ve got nothing else to say.”