And she will be called Eowyn. And she shall know not the perils of food or beverages within her, nor the chewing of gum, nor the muddy cleats of vexatious younglings. And she shall be washed somewhat more frequently than never. And she shall be parked with exceeding care, at least for the two weeks it will take to earn her first dent, after which F it. And one day, in our darkest hour, she shall slay the Witchking of Angmar, and it shall be glorious.