Look baby, we’re going into the jungle today, and I may need to establish dominance among the monkeys we encounter. So don’t be alarmed if I start acting like I did back when I lived in the fraternity house.

 

You know you’re nerds when the first discord you have during your vacation is over the definition of the word discord.

 

Five days without a kid crawling into our bed to disturb our sleep or interrupting our conversation with a ridiculous demand or an imagined emergency – so this is what it’s like to be people.

 

Observations:

The sign at the San Jose airport that says “You need local currency!” is there precisely because you don’t need local currency.

It’s a lot easier to “be here now” when “here” is a beachside massage table for 90 minutes. 

There’s only a certain number of times you can do your Robert Duval impression (“If I say it’s safe to surf this beach, it’s safe to surf this beach!”) before you wear it out. And that certain number is one.

The surf instructor is going to give your wife twice as much attention as he gives you. But if you harness the power of spite, you’ll get up on the board just as many times.

When you and your wife bump into a friendly dude from Texas, and you wonder why his attractive girlfriend is rudely ignoring you, you’ll soon learn that she’s from Dallas, and all will be made clear.

Three words: coffee crusted tuna. Five more: steal it from your wife.