Receive call from old friend who refuses to use Facebook but inexplicably just joined Twitter. Hear him complain that: (1) I haven’t followed him back yet even though he has been following me since yesterday, (2) I haven’t tweeted anything funny lately; and (3) his social media experience has been entirely underwhelming as a result of both these specific failures on my part, as well as my other unspecified but highly probable failures of which he is not yet currently aware. Realize that: (a) my life is now officially a sit-com; and (b) even when being absurd, nobody can make me as happy as an old friend.