And it came to pass that his wife grew weary of the bottles of pre-mixed Pennsylvania Dutch eggnog stored in their secondary refrigerator since Christmas. And she said unto him “I’m throwing this shit out”. Which was not awesome. And he replied unto her “are you out of your mind? Those are sealed bottles of alcohol. That doesn’t go bad, does it?” And she gave an exasperated sigh, which conveyed unto him that she gave not a shit about the shelf life of his beloved elixir, but instead wanted more room to store her kombucha or quinoa or takeout containers of lunches she orders but inexplicably does not eat. And he said unto her “fine, I’ll just have to drink it all tonight”. And she laughed and said “uh huh” as if to signal her disbelief at such a prospect. But verily, she knew not what she spake.