AP, Washington D.C. – A strange man dressed as a gallon of milk was seen pursuing a gorgeous woman through our national parks this morning. “I was never in any real danger of him catching me,” said the woman, a neonatologist in town for a medical conference. “But I thought it was cute that he was trying. He kept talking about turning on his afterburners, or something.” The Milk Man, as local residents immediately began calling him, was last seen trying to put his head in a nasty fountain where ducks pee and mumbling “my jets . . . they’re not my afterburners, they’re my jets . . .”