Run out to grab bagels quickly before wife leaves for work. Neglect to wear belt. Decline checkout girl’s offer of a drink carrier for your two coffees out of some misplaced feeling of competence. Wrap arm around box of bagels and one cup of coffee. Use other arm for second coffee and three tubs of shmear. Begin to leave bagel shop. Realize with horror that the phone, wallet and keys in your pockets are causing your shorts to fall down – in front of thirty sorority girls in matching t-shirts. Squat with knees out in opposite directions to arrest the fall of your shorts. Shuffle sideways out of store like a geriatric samurai crab. Consider seppuku.