Learn that your wife has accepted an “open invitation” for you both to spend New Year’s Eve at someone’s house, thereby violating your long-standing requirement for *specific* invitations. Learn also that she has volunteered you to cook a dish for their potluck. Somehow (narrowly) escape death by mortification.

Step into car for five hour drive. Learn that your wife wants to use this time that (between breaking up kid fights) to plan your spring break vacation – a task you would endure barbed wire in your urethra to avoid.

Attempt to discuss the idea of Elon Musk – a character by whom you are fascinated, and in whom you have invested some of your joint assets over the years – to use what are essentially pneumatic tubes to connect cities (which would obviate the need for these kinds of drives). Be asked who Elon Musk is.

Reflect on the absurdity of this whole “opposites attract” thing.