I have bad days. Lots of them. I say this because some folks have questioned whether that’s the case based on my Facebook blathering. But yes, bad things do happen in my life. And sometimes it’s not external events or conditions, but me who is the bad thing. Whether it’s something disappointing I’ve done (like shouting at my children, or going off on someone for group texting me too many times), or simply the toxic conversations in my head (“Look at your belly, fat ass” or “You think you’re a writer? Hemingway was a writer. You’re a clown”), I rarely miss my recommended daily allowance of sucky.
I have bad days. But I don’t call them “bad days”. I call them “days”. And it’s not because I’m using some kind of bullshit Jedi mind trick to convince myself that storm clouds are rainbows. Sometimes bad really is just bad. But there is good and bad in every day – indeed, in everything. For each rock that cracks your windshield or pain-in-the-ass email from opposing counsel, there’s a kiss on the cheek from your daughter or a crayon sketch of a robot T-Rex from your son. For every mortifying time you crap your pants, there’s a hilarious story you can now tell about crapping your pants.
And sometimes the things we think are bad are the challenges that foster the most growth within us. And growth is good.
I have bad days. But I choose how I respond to them. I choose who I am going to be today. Am I going to be the guy who sucks his thumb in the corner? (Been that dude, done that thing, am tired of that asshole and the taste of his thumb.) Or am I going to try to act even a little bit like the superhero my kids believe I am?
I sometimes wonder if our tendency to give more attention to the bad things than the good is a product of evolution, coded into our DNA. The apes who enjoyed bananas a lot more than they feared tigers probably weren’t the ones who ended up in our gene pool. But whatever the reason, many of us tend to give the negative stuff more of our brain and energy than it deserves. And conversely, we don’t give nearly enough attention to all that’s positive.
One of my mantras is “Find The Funny”. Levity is one of the tools I use to help process and understand my experiences – even and perhaps especially the negative ones. Plus, when you’re laughing at adversity, it just seems so much less adverse. In some ways, I look forward to the absurd curveballs life throws me because they give me an opportunity to be amused. Maybe not immediately. Maybe not ever. But simply asking the question “what’s funny about this?” is hugely empowering. It reminds me that I can re-frame vexing events – like my wife backing into my brother’s parked truck, or our cat dragging a half dead rat into my kitchen. And in re-framing those experiences, I change them – even after the fact – for myself and those around me. Show me a day that was bad, and I can probably show you a day that was (at least in some ways) hilarious.
Besides, anybody can be at their best on a good day. It’s the bad days that show us what we’re worth.
And it may go without saying, but “bad days” make for really fun blog entries.
I have bad days. But not really. Because I’m in charge of what’s bad. So embrace your bad days. And in so doing, change them. And yourself.