Thoughts at an airport (re-posted from Facebook):
* Should I put this coat and tie into my suitcase before I check it? Shit, I can’t decide – look like a fat Gordon Gecko or a fat Blockbuster clerk.
* Hey look, it’s every newsstand in every airport. So glad, because I could really use some nuts, teddy bears, magazines and shot glasses.
* Maybe I’ll eat some Mentos and bang a European.
* I know I gotta remove my shoes, TSA dude. Nobody who has ever said the word “airport” is unaware of this fact. Telling me six times while I’m still a twenty minute line away from the scanner is just ass-headed.
* Whoa, that guy’s taking a stinky ass Cheesesteak on board with him. Ha! Whoever sits next to him is gonna be hating . . . I . . . I am going to be hating it.
* At least I’ve still got this coat and tie, so I look stylish next to the cheesesteak.
* I’ve noticed people close to me have started to wish me a “blog worthy” day. That’s genuinely well intentioned. But if you consider that I write about the ridiculous so much more than the sublime, those people are actually rooting for me to be flooded by a beer keg or attacked by a Great Dane.
* Hey, I can pay for Wi-Fi on board and impose these musings on the interwebs! Whew! How did people endure inflight cheesesteaks back in the 90s?
* I wonder if I can get away with unbuttoning my suit pants right now. Not cuz I’m a perv, but because I’m uncomfortable. Also, a perv.