Objectives for family vacation in Ozarks: (1) scare kids by pretending to hear/see/be a bear (2) summon my spirit animal (3) no Deliverance.

If driving through the Ozarks in the middle of nowhere Arkansas isn’t the time to jam some Dio, then I don’t know what is.

Getting drunk by the campfire sounds like a great idea until you wake the next morning with no Tylenol, or Starbucks, or dignity.

Drove by dude flying a confederate flag in his yard. After a few more drinks, I may drive back & engage in unwise but tweet-worthy behavior.

Erin asked me who sings “The Chair” and now I don’t think I’m allowed to let her to return to Texas.

If you haven’t sang karaoke in the middle of the woods while a raccoon goes through your trash & your uncles call you a sissy, you’re not me.

Even in the cold, sober light of morning, I still think I crushed it as Olivia Newton John.

However much Jaegermeister you’ve brought to a family reunion is exactly too much Jaegermeister to have brought to a family reunion.

2 y.o. found & lost a cool rock. He lamented that it wouldn’t be in his collection. Asked what collection. “The one I was gonna start, duh”

I’ll take Ridiculous Hamilton for 100.
“While they swam, he tied the bags to the car roof, denying his family these.”
What are dry clothes?

Driving home now, feeling the ache that comes when you’re reminded that people you love don’t live where you do. Or maybe it’s constipation.

In addition to my wife & I, our car currently contains 4 kids, 2 wiffle ball bats & 1 fly. I wonder if I should be anticipating anything…

Travel tip: laughing at a dude who wears neon Jams is frowned upon in McAlester OK. Especially if your hat says Texas & you radiate awesome.