When your wife proposes a $50 wager and you serve as CFO for the household – a household that has commingled its assets for over twenty years in a community property state – it’s essentially a wager without stakes, since you already have that money anyway. And wagers without stakes, like boy bands or jeggings, are an abomination – one usually proposed by badminton enthusiasts and New York Jets fans. And so it is for this reason that I must respectfully decline, and not because I suffer from any doubt whatsoever as to my ability to go twenty four hours without making a joke.