Today I say farewell to a dear friend. He came into my life in the fall of 2011, and I loved him the moment we met. He was sleek, and sexy, and as black as midnight coal in the belly of a whale in the mind of Nietzsche.
Perhaps inappropriately, I named him “Blackie”. Though at the time, he was to be complemented and contrasted by my wife’s brand new companion, a prim and prudish little white number that should have been named “Whitey”. Instead, my wife inexplicably insisted on the name “Homeostasis”. I probably should have divorced her then.
For the past three years, Blackie has been my constant companion. He has helped me write every Facebook post, make every stock trade, research every vacation, deposit every check, and take every photo. He has shopped for Christmas gifts, planned my appointments, sorted through my email, kept track of birthdays, divined the weather, paid the bills, reviewed the movies, kept me in touch with my friends, and made all the dinner reservations. He went to bed by my side every night, and woke me up every morning, heartily announcing the arrival of each new day (and every phone call) by playing the theme song from Sanford & Son.
And I have loved him for it.
Tonight, I make my last social media post with him as my partner. And while I welcome his bigger, faster replacement – a replacement who has yet to be named but will temporarily be referred to as “Goldie” – I will always have a place in my heart for this feisty little iPhone 4S. Godspeed to you Blackie, as you make this transition from primary phone for a professional to iTouch and play phone for kids. You served me well, and I can think of no greater honor than to entrust you with the calls my children make to Batman, and Rapunzel, and Lego Chewbacca. Much love little guy! Mwah!
P.S. Sorry for all the sexting!
