Wife Out of Town Again, Day Two:
* Instruct your son to put away his clean laundry. Find said laundry in a pile on the floor of his closet. Instruct your son to *really* put away his laundry this time. Subsequently find the same stack of laundry hidden underneath his bed. Give self preemptive timeout to sit and methodically plan the best way to lose your freaking mind.
* Sit down to dinner with your mother-in-law, your four-year-old (who insists that the enchiladas suck and that’s he’s gonna work in his coloring book), your six-year-old (who spends most of the meal underneath the table), your nine-year-old (who you still might slay at any moment), and your twelve-year-old (who has some strong opinions about the fact you allowed these kids to have an after school snack so close to dinner). Invoke the no-singing-at-the-table rule a dozen times, as well as the if-you-do-that-with-your-fork-
* Pour self a beer. Hear commotion upstairs. Leave beer to dash to the scene. Learn that your daughter fell off your bed (where she wasn’t supposed to be jumping – but was), and your son bit his tongue in an unrelated but simultaneous event involving the dog and a rubber pufferfish chew toy (a chew you that you’re not entirely sure wasn’t bitten by both dog and boy). Soothe both children, then eventually disengage and head downstairs to retrieve beer. Find cat with paw in beer.
Only four more nights of this. Piece of cake.