“When coming upon a dead frog on the sidewalk, immediately rub your face and shoulders all over that shit . . . Messily eat paper towels whenever possible, the whole roll if you can get it . . . Refuse to walk in any direction other than toward home . . . Employ deafening, banshee-like shrieks to avoid bathing . . . Do everything in your power to earn the nickname Cockus McBlockus.” – Excerpts from How To Be Me, by Summer the dog.