Whoever invented PowerPoint: F you.
I can never remember if the saying is “discretion is the better part of valor” or “discretion is the better part of I’m-leaving-before-I-get-drunk
“I think if we could just cram in more PowerPoint slides, they would all be able to think with the same hive mind” – every corporate executive.
It’s so great to hear folks congratulate themselves for closing a record number of contracts and completely fail to thank the lawyers who drafted and negotiated all those contracts.
Networsting.
Notes to self: (1) Before announcing that you hate the NRA, find out if the corporate colleague you are talking to hates people who hate the NRA; (2) When told “the legal team was a lot more rowdy than I expected” pause to reflect on whether it’s really advisable to say “yeah, well the sales team was a lot more boring than I expected”; (3) Before announcing that you will be out at a particular time in the morning to run, remember that that you’re not a morning person and that you’re on eastern time now and that was tequila you were drinking and ugh.
Stumble into meeting expecting death by PowerPoint. Find yourself compelled to sing “Row Row Row Your Boat” along with 146 adults. Question your own sanity.
Few things embody the essence of being a high level professional like having to sign a log to prove you attended a “breakout session” on a topic that has nothing to do with you.
Dear God, I know I don’t believe in you, but if you could just make these corporate presentations stop, I promise to sacrifice unto you a fatted calf, or unblemished goat, or grilled cheese and bacon sandwich, whichever I am able to locate first.
* Don’t get me wrong Mike. You’re the best lawyer I’ve ever worked with. But *why* are you a lawyer when, you know, there’s clearly something else you should be doing?
* Does that something else start with an “R” and end with “odeo clown”?
And The Lord spake, saying “I do hereby deliver thee from the wilderness of PowerPoints . . . and unto the wilderness of Atlanta traffic. Good luck getting to the airport, A-hole.”