And looketh he upon his offspring, and he didst see that they were ridiculous. And he didst notice that they ate not of their dinners, and they used not their inside voices. And he didst raise his voice to be heard amid the din and clamor, saying “verily I say unto you that Martini Monday is now a thing”. And he didst create a martini. And he saw that it was good. And gave he not a fuck for the rest of the night.