In lieu of a Facebook ten year anniversary movie, I offer the following summary of my Facebook posts over the years: “boo hoo about this awesome thing that I’m nevertheless cranky about”; “something something my beard”; “my life is stupid”; “my life is amazing”; “why did my wife marry me?”; “no seriously, why?”; “something something tacos”; “I like wine”; “no, you have no idea: WINE!”; “bacon taste test!”; “ugh, I have a dog”; “my bed + somebody else’s urine”; “what the shit did you just put in my coffee?”; “Ugh, I have a different dog.”; “Sexy Windbreaker!”; “I feel [insert word that expresses general disdain – in a pinch, “general disdain” will work] for [insert pop culture reference or beloved television show (other than one produced by AMC)]”; “Waaaah, the beers at reunion were too expensive!”; “Hey, let’s all fly to Vegas for next reunion!”; “Look at me look at me look at me look at me!”; and “If you kids don’t clean this mess up right now, then so help me, I will ask you to clean this mess up right now again.”