You decide to mix it up this time, and you stay with the kids at the Central Market playground while your wife goes in and gets the groceries. But then you learn that some under-achieving mother elected to have her toddler’s massive birthday party at this playground. And there’s a sea of sticky kid fingers that don’t belong to you touching your arms. And you find yourself hoping that one of your kids has a bathroom emergency so you’ll have an excuse to drag them all inside and away from this Lovecraftian horror. Too late, you remember why you never mix it up. You’d be in the bulk foods aisle right now, maybe smelling some new and exotic coffee. Instead you’re The Lorax who speaks for the slide, which you kids are all climbing up on the wrong side.