Witness statement of N______ Hamilton, 2/19/2013: “I was just standing there, minding my own business, brushing my teeth and thinking about how a bird is a better pet than a guinea pig because guinea pigs don’t fly or sing, when B_____ walked in all naked, pointed his wiener at me and peed.”

Witness statement of B______ Hamilton, 2/19/2013: “I don’t know what she’s talking about, but what she’s talking about is hilarious.”