Wake up to learn that a creepy dude with one headlight slowly followed your wife during her 5:30AM run through your neighborhood – going so far as to turn completely around to continue following her when she changed to run in the opposite direction – only to finally relent when she pretended that a stranger’s house was actually hers and ducked into the backyard.

Become the avatar of wrath.

Spend morning in a distracted haze, fixing breakfast for kids while mentally bludgeoning the stalker dude with a tire iron. Fume through Carpool #1. Brood through Carpool #2. Be asked by four-year-old why you’re no fun this morning. Realize that you’ve been giving too much power to stalker creep. Resolve to be happy. Resort to potty humor to delight son. Drop him off with a smile.

Return home to begin planning stage of Operation Stalker Stalker.