Well boys, your Mom, your nanny and both your sisters are gonna be gone for the next eight days. While we are all understandably bummed by their departure, it is incumbent upon me to highlight the positive aspects of this situation and/or invent them. Therefore, effective immediately, policy changes shall include but not be limited to the following:

(1) the prohibition against urinating in the backyard is hereby suspended;

(2) until further notice, bathing shall be strictly voluntary;

(3) dirty laundry shall be minimized by the continuous wearing of swimsuits and/or free balling it;

(4) every meal shall consist of takeout (with a decided bias toward meats on sticks);

(5) the living room coffee table shall be removed to make space for an air mattress on the floor, which will serve as our life boat whenever pretend emergencies force us to abandon the U.S.S. Couch;

(6) Monday shall be temporarily renamed: “Nine Film Star Wars and Extended Cut Lord of The Rings Mega-Marathon Day”;

(7) all major decisions will be made through trial by combat;

(8) no vegetables;

(9) the lame, dull arrows that barely pierce the archery target shall be replaced with sharp ones with which we can actually hurt ourselves;

10) Three words: Donuts. Every. Day.