I know times are tough, but are we really in a world where kids have to color their menu with only two crayons? I recognize that you merely take the orders, but I’d like to order a red Santa Claus and a green Christmas tree. To say nothing of orange or purple – the apparent step-children of the color scheme. Does it bother you that green is one of three secondary colors but is always given prominence over the other two? No, I can see it doesn’t. Fine, I’ll take a black coffee and the corned beef hash with a heart attack on the side.

* * *

“Dad, he’s eating the butter by itself!”

“But Dad, it has powdered sugar spilled on it.”

* * *

“How are you already out of apple juice?”

“He chugged it to prove to me that he could.”

* * *

“That waitress said she looks cute as a button. Buttons are cute?”

“Yeah, bunnies are cute. Their little noses.”

“Button, not bunny.”

“Button? Why would she say button when there are bunnies she could talk about?”

* * *

“What are you doing with my napkin?”

“I don’t want to get sticky syrup on MY napkin.”

* * *

“Okay, we can stop by the duck pond on the way home, but DO NOT fall in this time.”

[five minutes later] Splash!