This looks like a job for The Stupendous Six! 

(1) B____, aka “The Crusher” – Superpower: Indestructible. Weakness: Believes everyone else is also indestructible.

(2) N____, aka “Flower Kitty Sunshine Girl” – Superpower: eyelash batting mind control. Weakness: butterflies. 

(3) H____, aka “The Brooder” – Superpowers: sonic attack, selective hearing, invisibility when it’s time to do chores or homework. Weakness: broccoli.

(4) R____, aka “The Brain” – Superpower: super intelligence. Weakness: see superpower.

(5) Erin, aka “Doctor Zen” – Superpowers: faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to rear four children without ever losing her shit. Weakness: her husband.

(6) Mike, aka “The Troll” – Superpowers: satire, ability to eat eggs. Weaknesses: chocolate, that one chic from high school, fear of failure, fear of success, full length mirrors, college transcript, events at which he is the MC, events at which he is called upon to give a toast, events at which he is neither the MC nor called upon to give a toast but does one or both anyway, wine, gin, scotch, tacos, the unexamined life, the over examined life, nerdy stuff, Mad Men, his children, small talk, not having friends, having too many friends, toffee flavored coffee, and coffee flavored toffee.