And it came to pass that the swamp king lost weight, and diminished in the eyes of those who beheld him. And because of this, his children and the children of his brother began to imagine that the pool belonged to someone other than him. And they challenged him, and splashed him, and squirted him with colorful devices procured from a dollar store. And he was deeply troubled. So he threw their tiny bodies across the pool, and displayed his mighty thunderclap splash, and demonstrated his leaping “toxic cannonball”. And they didst cower before him, and giggle, and ask him to throw them again. And they learned that being the swamp king isn’t about body weight, but bearditude. And he saw that it was good.