Sunday dinner time as a solo parent tonight. My younger son howls to eat his tomato soup with a straw because my mother taught him that was somehow even remotely acceptable. My older son tries to unhinge his jaw like a python with each bite in an effort to keep the spoon from ever touching his flesh, for unstated reasons. My youngest daughter got into her mom’s makeup and now looks like Christina Aguilera after a fight with Miss Piggy. My oldest daughter continues to dramatically insist that my refusal to get her an iPhone is ruining her life. If I spontaneously combust, you’ll know why.