Captain’s log, Stardate 03122014: we reached our destination and executed what was intended to be a surgical strike wherein our cargo would be dropped before leaving to rendezvous with the other members of Fleet Filthtastic. However, our departure was delayed when the crew was overcome with the kind of madness that only strikes when a new bed presents itself to be jumped upon. Unbeknownst to me, when we eventually did depart, Ensign Stealthy von Disturbenshit cranked the thermostat up to 85 degrees in a misguided effort to dry out his hat, which had blown off his head and into the pool. I would not learn of this fact until several hours later, when I wearily returned home to find that home to be a sauna. Notwithstanding this fact, the day was a profound success, and morale improved greatly. Though during a run for provisions, I almost had to relieve Lieutenant Bossy Bosserton of her duties when her behavior bordered on insubordination. She invoked our absent First Mate and protested my decision to allow the rest of the crew to “poison themselves” with contraband comestibles, including a never before experienced breakfast food known to the locals as Fruity Pepples. I reminded her of the chain of command, and she came to her senses after being incentivized with Newman-O’s. I obtained beer, only to bring it back to find that the condo/sauna suffered from a marked dearth of bottle openers. It was then that I noticed for the first time the absence of a dishwasher, meaning dishes will have to be washed by hand like they do in Downton Abbey or Mississippi. Also, the water is treated with a softening agent, which makes washing one’s hands a thirty minute endeavor. All in all though, the voyage has so far been a triumph. The weather is admittedly too windy for the crew’s tastes, which required the purchase of jackets from the Army surplus store. Predictably however, I came prepared for wind. Hamilton out.